I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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