Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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