____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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