i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
