WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
