guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
