Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
