grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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