Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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