my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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