Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
