i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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Life without a bra equals bliss.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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