he shaved USA in his pubs
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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