I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize