So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
