My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
