As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
