Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
