I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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