if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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