Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
