Do you still have your period?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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