I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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