I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
