He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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