Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
