Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
