it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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