My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
