well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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