I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize