Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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