For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
