Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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