Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
