Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
