I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
