she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize