this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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