I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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