Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
