You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
