he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my poor anus
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