We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
