It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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