I wish you could order shots online.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
two words...techno handjob
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
