Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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