Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i came on her dog
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
