Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
