I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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