Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
