Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
