I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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