please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
