HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
