Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
