You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
