I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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