ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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