I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
