I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
