chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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