Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
